It has now been exactly TWELVE DAYS since the blonde Vivid Video called “the most beautiful woman to ever enter the Adult Entertainment business” became merely Janine M. James, inmate of the Federal Correctional Institution at Victorville’s Medium Security prison located 85 miles northeast of L.A. {we can just imagine her booking photo}. And already things are looking up!
“I’m pretty much settled now,” Janine Lindemulder reports via her prison blog on www.FreeJanine.com {ironically the title of an early film back when she was “Getting Away with Everything”}. “My days are very structured. I wake up about 5:30 a.m. {and she’s hardly a morning person}, get dressed in my work uniform, wash face, brush, teeth, hair back in ponytail {back in the day}, head off to the cafeteria, little oatmeal, little coffee {she’s accustomed to a full cup, and an apple {hardly her preferred dish of ‘Fried Chicken & Mashed Potatoes’} … and I’m off and running”—a watered down Sponge Bob Hot Pants!
“Yesterday,” Janine tells us, “I did weeding on the compound.” Hardly your garden variety female inmate, we’re reminded of her hopeful Howard Stern interview on the morning she reported to prison: “I’m hoping to be pulling weeds,” she told Stern. “Well, I know you’re good at ‘pulling weeds,’” Howard horned in, “because I’ve seen you give hand jobs.” “Yep,” Janine shot back, “I’m good. If I was outside, I’d be pulling weeds all fucking day!”
And, as she made clear as the sun rose on the day she went in: “Believe it or not, I am a little excited — while promising to give juicy details on “my cell, cell-mate, other inmates, showers, sex and MORE SEX!. I truly believe something pretty bad ass will come from this journey. But one thing’s for certain: I am not at all scared {hardly a little girl lost}.” In fact, when Stern warned that “you may have to fight,” the comely con countered: “I’m a lover, not a fighter. But if I have to, I’m not gonna let somebody push me around” {shiv-her me timbers!}. Not to contradict Kelis, but her “milkshake will bring all the girls to the yard!” No wonder that on her last night of freedom, Janine signed off: “I am about to pass out early because of my 4 a.m. early Howard Stern wake up call. It’s all good.”
Good for her … but Sleuth has something to get off his chest {I know, hardly your top choice}. Since Janine was sentenced on December 30th, four major administration appointees have admitted they failed to pay their taxes! First was Commerce Secretary nominee Bill Richardson, who actually “was under investigation by a grand jury for pay-to-play kickback schemes” … and we doubt he declared that income! His punishment? Fading away back to being the Governor of New Mexico {the Guv with Luv Handles}. Next, Treasury designate Tim Geithner—the “brilliant” banker asked to ease our economic crisis had to repay $64,849 to the Internal Revenue Service for a six-year period from 2001-2006, but somehow “was not fined for late payment.” He was then easily confirmed to oversee the I.R.S.!! Third, former Finance and Ethics Committee scion of the Senate, Tom Daschle, left a well-paid position at the Center for American Progress {and wishful thinking} to accept a job as Secretary of Health and Human Services…only to withdraw “after having failed to pay $140,167 for three years of owed taxes and interest,” though not as yet “thousands of dollars in additional unpaid taxes” for the use of a lobbyist’s private car and driver. As the tax auditors might say: “Paying back’s a bitch!” Which brings us to notable Nancy Killefer, tapped to be the nation’s first Chief Performance Officer in the new administration…until that little matter of a 2005 tax lien placed on her home for failure to pay unemployment taxes on household help. Maybe the erstwhile “Efficiency Czar” can now return to her recent 3-year gig as Chairperson of the IRS Oversight Board!
Compared to these savvy sophisticates, the missteps of a high school-educated, single mother of two might seem like Peanuts. As one industry insider quipped: “At about $80 grand delinquent {the original charging document}, this puts Janine somewhere at the low end of the scale between Tom Daschle’s approximately $140,000 tax thievery and current U.S. Treasury Secretary Geithner’s $64,000 shortcoming.” Which brings up the $64,000 Question: “How does Tim Geitner not pay his taxes for years, gets to apologize and run the I.R.S.?” asks legendary lensman Earl Miller—the caring collaborator who has created FreeJanine.com to, as she puts it, “Save my ass” while she’s incarcerated. “Yet a single mom who happens to be a porn star ends up in shackles? Guilty of a misdemeanor,” Earl emphasizes, “why did they prosecute, try, and then put her in jail, while Bernie Madoff was sitting in his plush Penthouse {and you thought Janine was the Pet} after stealing $60 BILLION from his innocent investors? It is truly staggering to me that this woman is having to go to prison while the CEOs who bankrupted America are collecting their bailouts!” Why, it’s a wonder they didn’t string her up ….
And while laid back Lindemulder has every right to be Tee’d off about Madoff, one of the things we love most is her amazing attitude: “Yeah well,” she sighed when I asked her about the clear double standard. “Bottom line: Life ain’t fair. I’m not going to play the pity party.” So as these corporate clowns get off, maybe they should tip their hat to the cat that crossed (un)Lucky Linde …
Janine just wrote to confirm that “the major shocker to the other inmates was that I was doing time for a misdemeanor. They didn’t think it was possible. I am the only misdemeanor in here.” Ironic then, that her 1993 starring vehicle was entitled Blonde Justice 2 … and if you crop in on the part of her name above the title, you get this! Gosh, do ya think the bottom line, as she put it, might have something to do with her line of work?
So we leave you with this reversal of the age-old tax code motto in answer to that earlier $64,000 {or in janine’s case $79,136} Question: “With the I.R.S., don’t fuck.”
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It has now been exactly TWELVE DAYS since the blonde Vivid Video called “the most beautiful woman to ever enter the Adult Entertainment business” became merely Janine M. James, inmate of the Federal Correctional Institution at Victorville’s Medium Security prison located 85 miles northeast of L.A. {we can just imagine her booking photo}. And already [...]
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