“Everyone’s favorite family of Utah polygamists are back,” raved one review this January. Quipped another: “By a rough count, the Henrickson family was guilty of six of the seven Deadly Sins in last night’s episode”—no one could ever accuse them of sloth! As critic Emily Nussbaum enumerated: “Man, what a kinky episode of Big Love—dishing up one graphic sequence for each sister-wife: a Bill-on-Barb makeout session cut short by interruption, ‘naughty-girl’ oral sex between Bill and Margene, and ‘good girl’ petticoat intercourse with Nicki. Bill Henrickson may be trapped in every man’s dream—three naked ladies!—but he’s also living every man’s nightmare: relationship processing so endless it might paralyze a 70s lesbian cooperative.”

Fifty-five years ago, the strangest show on television was entitled I Led Three Lives, the true account of advertising executive turned Communist Party infiltrator Herbert Philbrick, which became the favorite show of 12-year-old future assassin Lee Harvey Oswald: “He became really engrossed in that particular show,” believes brother Robert Oswald.  “The fact that he could put on a facade and pretend to be somebody he wasn’t—to me, it gets down to what happened later on.” Today, Big Love could be subtitled, I Wed Three Wives, as star Bill Paxton can barely watch the Three Ring Circus that revolves around him! And like Three Lives, the HBO series is inspired by real life—based on a Texan known only as Brian, the subject of a 2006 Learning Channel documentary titled My Husband’s Three Wives.

“If there’s a better written, better acted, more originally conceived show on television,” Matt Fowler of the L.A. Times wrote of Big Love on 2/5/09, “I defy you to name it.” Just 24 days later, wife #2 Chloë Sevigny came the closest: “I was watching some episodes the other night and I was like, ‘This is the weirdest show I’ve ever seen in my life!,” she smiled. “And then my friend was over, and she said, ‘Yeah, weirdest show since Twin Peaks.’” She took the words right out of my mouth…

Sleuth holds this original 1989 VHS cassette of the not-yet-aired pilot {April 8th, 1990} as a treasured icon, and still laments that the landmark series ended on his birthday {June 10th, 1991}. “It was the first of its kind,” observes one TV historian, “and raised the bar on the look of television series.  Twin Peaks tested the limits of prime-time television {at either extreme before places like HBO had stepped into the game.” And that’s where we step in…

The two shows share some eerie similarities: Both had a core quartet at the center of the action, with three hot women always up in arms. Yet, if the “king” played his cards right, he might score a four-way! Each then branched out into family trees that required an org chart to unravel, featuring no shortage of crazed villains in various guises—including false prophets steeped in scripture. And who can ignore the ravishing resemblance between Twin totty Sherilyn Fenn and Love lust object Ginnifer Goodwin, who maintained the same sexpot aura when both went briefly blonde? Why, each even knew her way around a ripe cherry pie! Or a cherry stem—Fenn’s Audrey tying it in a knot with her tongue paid tribute to a true talent of castmate Mädchen Amick!

The series also shared a comely cross-dresser {David Duchovny pre-X Files} and a terrorized transvestite {Roman’s sister Selma}…not to mention a tall, bald and menacing stranger popping up from time to time. And they don’t get much stranger than Grace Zabriskie—called upon as Laura’s loony mother on Peaks and Bill’s beserk mom on Love ! Will we ever erase the memory of her Lois telling Bruce Dern, as hated husband Frank: “I’ll let you come in the back door” if he hands over the hidden cash? “If I want an old caboose,” he smirks, “I’ll call Union Pacific.” The edgy shows also had in common a logo for the ages: a haunting theme song that’s become a classic; a beautiful blond waitress in a diner looking for love; and even a raped runaway clad in virginal white. But let’s be honest, most of all the two shows offered a plethora of prime-time pulchritude!

Sleuth used to jokingly call Twin Peaks‘ Snoqualmie Falls, Washington location {where the show’s sign stood},  “The Babe Capital of the Pacific Northwest” … and now Big Love’s Sandy, Utah exteriors {Triplet Peaks?} make it “The Babe Capital of the Mountain West!” But the hottie quotient is hardly limited to The Big Three or the Mormon Trifecta … there are more carnal cast members than the Log Lady or the Log Man can shake a stick at! Beginning with the very first line of the very first show of Peaks: “She’s day-ud. Wrapped in plastic,” forlorn fisherman Pete Martell moans in the 911 call that opened the pilot. “She” was Laura Palmer–the prom queen with a past embodied by Sheryl Lee, a local girl from Seattle whom director David Lynch intended to cast, due to budget restraints, “just to play a dead girl.” Reveals Lynch: “But no one had any idea that she could act {she bloody well could!}, or that she was going to be so powerful just being dead”–both during and after the show {as a spokescorpse for PETA}.

Not so enduring was the happy but hapless husband who found her body,  played by Jack Nance  of Eraserhead cult fame, who married Kelly Van Dyke {Sleuth somehow found their wedding photo!} a mere month before Twin Peaks’ final episode. With his show salary no longer coming in, the daughter of comedian Jerry Van Dyke {playing brother Dick’s brother on the latter’s classic sitcom} secretly sought to capitalize on dad’s role on the series Coach by starring in a porn film called The Coach’s Daughter under the name Nancee Kellie {a play on Kelly Nance}. Instead she used the money on drugs, and after her final film Anal Adventures, the end came quickly: When Jack told her over the phone he was leaving, a crushed Kelly hanged herself on Nov. 17, 1991, just 6 months into their marriage! Distraught, her Peaks partner was day-ud within 5 years…falling down drunk and hitting his eraserhead on the bathroom floor. He lives on like Laura, whose body he unearthed, in Twin t-shirts worn over the Peaks whose sales never seem to die.

With all this booty, I feel it my duty to link the lovely ladies from Twin Peaks (listed first) and Big Love, grouped with their character counterparts beneath descriptions often quoted directly from their cast bios. And since Peaks revolved around the two lawmen’s love of donuts—which they devoured by the stacked dozen—while the governing body of the Mormons is the Council of the Twelve Apostles, dubbed “The Twelve” when established in 1835 {two have no surviving images; the handsome head shown first is none other than Brigham Young!}—it seems only fitting that we present the “Dirty Dozen” below…

Similar Archetypes on Twin Peaks and Big Love :

1.  Teen beauty queen turned “charitable pillar of the community” and major M.I.L.F.
PEGGY LIPTON as Norma Jennings, former Miss Twin Peaks, nude in rare photoshoot
JEANNE TRIPPLEHORN as Barb Henrickson, mother of three, nude in Basic Instinct

2.  “Goody two-shoes” from deranged family with powerful father who’s not what he seems
LARA FLYNN BOYLE as Donna Hayward, daughter of town doctor, nude in The Road to Wellville
CHLOË SEVIGNY as Nicolette Grant, daughter of ‘ The Prophet,’ nude in frontal photoshoot

3.  Sultry nymphet who’s much more savvy and kind than she seems and has head for business
SHERILYN FENN as Audrey Horne, secret half-sister of Donna, rare autographed nude
GINNIFER GOODWIN as Margene Heffman, secret sister-wife of Nicki, spied-on having sex in Big Love

4.  17-year-old blond beauty, “a figurehead of youthful innocence and purity,” with a secret sex life
SHERYL LEE as Laura Palmer, whose death is the catalyst for the series, nude in Backbeat
AMANDA SEYFRIED as Sarah Henrickson, whose pregnancy shapes the season, nude in Alpha Dog

5.  “Manipulative and cold-blooded” wealthy wife who “can’t be trusted”
JOAN CHEN as Josie Packard, tries to kill Agent Cooper and first husband, nude in Wild Side
MARY KAY PLACE as Adaleen Grant, tries to kill anyone who crosses husband, nude in Captain Ron

6.  Wife of “a monstrous home dictator, wife-beater, and dangerous criminal” who controls her life
MÄDCHEN AMICK as Shelly Johnson, angelic high school dropout wife of Leo, nude in Dream Lover
ANNE DUDEK as Laura Grant, seemingly sweet home-schooled wife of Alby, nude in Park

7.  “High-voiced childlike” waif who gets pregnant and marries presumed father of her child
KIMMY ROBERTSON as Lucy Moran, quiet but conflicted sheriff’s receptionist, nude in Bad Manners
MELORA WALTERS as Wanda Henrickson, “at least mildly insane” poisoner, nude in Desert Saints

8.  Middle aged wife and mother, estranged from family and “cold and calculating,” {but still ‘hot’}
PIPER LAURIE as Catherine Martell, gets revenge on Josie for killing her brother, nude in Ruby
ELLEN BURSTYN as Nancy Dutton, gets revenge on Barb and Bill by siding with sister, nude in Tropic of Cancer

9.  Cold blooded, “repressed bitch” disapproving of alternate lifestyles
BRENDA STRONG as Ms. Jones, assassin who tries to rub out Sheriff Harry Truman, nude in Undercurrents
JUDITH HOAG as Cindy Dutton-Price, Barb’s sister who gets her excommunicated, nude in Carnivale

10. Busty, fresh-faced “Cherry Pie” teen ripe for the ‘plucking’
HEATHER GRAHAM as Annie Blackburn, who gives herself to Agent Cooper, nude in Killing Me Softly
SARAH JONES as Brynn, curly haired cutie who takes virginity of gentle Ben, ‘losing it’ on Big Love

11. Exotic and sexy immigrant who finds menial job to make ends meet while keeping her pride
LISA ANN CABASA as Jenny (3rd from left), perfume counter girl at Horne’s Dept. Store, nude in Wild at Heart
BRANKA KATIC as Ana, counter waitress who became Bill’s 4th wife, bra in bed in The Truth About Love

12. Budding beauty and music prodigy, the youngest of several sisters, who dreams of stardom
ALICIA WITT as Gersten Hayward, Donna’s little sister whose piano skills are featured, bareback in 9/00 pose
DAVEIGH CHASE as Rhonda Volmer, psycho singer and Roman’s bride-to-be, buns on the beach in 9/07 candid

Reviewer Sara Cardace’s conclusion to the 2009 season of Big Love might equally apply to both the Polygamists and their Peaks predecessors: “The terror of being exposed, which once simmered under the dialogue in almost every scene, has died down, to a far-off-in-the-future problem that doesn’t seem to bother anyone all that much.” Least of all us …

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BIGGEST BLOG EVER: Polygamy Peaks is a post from: The SleuthSayer

Heather didn’t let her monoped status inhibit her free-wheelin’ ways, posing nude to promote her pet land mines cause. Before the scooter hit, her hooters were a BIG hit with glamour photographers in London. She also apparently sold her bodacious bod to wealthy client$, such as Arab billionaire Adnan Khashoggi.

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Going Out on a Limb is a post from: The SleuthSayer