When it comes to the OSCARS, Sleuth has been PUSHING THE ENVELOPE for more than two decades! In fact, when yours truly first coined the term “THE ANATOMY AWARDS” way back in 1988 for just our fifth issue ever, we were so leery of the reaction of Oscar officials that “the suits” insisted on including this disclaimer on the very first page! Nowadays, a Google search for “Anatomy Awards” returns 15 MILLION hits…

You can view this landmark issue in its entirety by subscribing, then entering the Issue Archive for 1988. We began with alphabetical uncoverage of awardees and nominees from A {Andrews, Julie} to W {Winger, Debra), since no actress with a Z surname has ever even been nominated—though Pia Zadora, a natural breasted bimbo {if not a natural blonde} infamously won a 1981 Golden Globe bought and paid for by her aging hu$band. In that first-ever “Anatomy Awards” edition,  we termed it “the most ambitious, and erotic, celebrity gold digging ever done.” Since then, we’ve published TEN more “Anatomy Awards” volumes—the latest in late 2007—and introduced numerous other related phrases into the vernacular: “On a Pedestal,” “Academy Adored,” “Oscar Mire,” “Trophy Wives,”"Golden Girls,” “Statue-esque,” “Foreign Intrigue” and “Same Time, Last Year,” to name a few. Perhaps the Academy will consider giving me a “Lifetime Achievement Award“…

In this year’s ceremonies, airing Sunday, the women are again much more interesting than the men—and not just for the obvious reasons,  like the prospect of nominee Anne Hathaway on the red carpet {despite having dropped her jailed financier fiance and “two bra sizes,” due to the anxiety…all the more likelihood of a wardrobe galfunction!}. No, it’s also because of the uncertainty of the outcome: while sensational Sean Penn playing slain Harvey Milk and the late Heath Ledger are almost {ahem} dead certain to win Best Actor and Best Supporting, the women are comparatively up for grabs. So you’re invited…

In our eleven editions of “The Anatomy Awards” we’ve uncovered over 385 actresses…and considering we chose not to go back before 1960, there have only been 500 Best Actress and Supporting nominees during that time! {clearly with many multiple nods…and bods}, so that means we’ve laid bare 77 % of the total “prized” personalities possible. This year is no sexception, with 9 of the 10 female actresses “going for the bold.” However, since Sleuth always seeks to go where no mag has gone before, we’re adding a second, rarer revelation to the Class of 2009:

BEST ACTRESS

Anne Hathaway Nom’d for Rachel Getting Married, Nude in Brokeback Mountain, Rarer Nude in Havoc

Angelina Jolie Nom’d for Changeling, Nude in Original Sin, Rarer Nude in early outtake

Melissa Leo Nom’d for Frozen River, Nude in Three Burials…, Rarer Nude in Silent Witness

Meryl Streep Nom’d for Doubt, Nude in Silkwood, Rarer Nude in She-Devil

Kate Winslet Nom’d for The Reader, Similar Nude in Heavenly Creatures, Rarer Nude in Jude

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Amy Adams Nom’d for Doubt, Nude in Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, Rarer Nude in Psycho Beach Party

Penelope Cruz Nom’d for Vicky Cristina Barcelona, Nude in Elegy, Rarer Nude in Open Your Eyes

Taraji P. Henson Nom’d for Benjamin Button, Nude in Baby Boy, Rarer Nude in pre-fame pose

Marisa Tomei Nom’d for The Wrestler, Nude in Before the Devil…, Rarer Nude in Untamed Heart

Viola Davis Nom’d for Doubt, Braless Pokie on red carpet, Camel Toe on stage in shorts

Sleuth never goes with the flow, however, so his personal picks for the female acting awards might differ from those of the Academy: While Best Actress will likely be between the best actress of her generation, Meryl Streep, and her heir apparent, Kate Winslet, we shouldn’t forget the delightful Sally Hawkins of Happy Go Lucky fame … and 2002’s All or Nothing frame. And my Supporting trophy would probably be a three-way tie between: Thandie Newton as a clueless Condi Rice in W … and awesomely areolae’d in 1998’s Besieged; Canadian cutie Alison Pill as the lesbian campaign manager in Milk … and udderly milk-fed in 2005’s Dear Wendy; and sweet Sophie Okonedo as doomed May in The Secret Life of Bees … whom it took all of Sleuth’s sleight-of-gland to uncover in this single frame flash from the 1996 BBC-TV drama Deep Secrets!

Lastly, let’s not overlook the Academy Awards debut of host Hugh Jackman, the reigning “Sexiest Man Alive” as picked by People magazine. “I could have told them that years ago!” quipped his wife of a lucky 13 years, Australian actress Deborra-Lee Furness {on the red carpet together}. “Obviously, Brad wasn’t available this year!” Raves X-Men superhero Jackman: “I have a terrific marriage…you fall deeper in love every day!” And every night he wears a different “get up” to bed Deb: “She loves me in costume because it makes her feel like she’s having an affair, in a good way,” he reveals about dressing as “Wolverine” when they make love. The Academy Award host’s only regret is that he “didn’t get to see my wife run naked down Broadway” when he won the Tony Award for The Boy from Oz in 2006: “She had promised to strip and sprint along” the legendary theater street if her forecast of his victory proved wrong. “And I said, I kind of wouldn’t mind not winning actually,’ Jackman joked.  “I think I’d prefer to see that.  That would be kind of fun.” Sleuth does his part by discovering Deborra-Lee’s only nude screen scene: a topless skinnydip 18 years ago in the Australian-made Waiting. “I’m ballsy,” Deb declares…let’s hope that didn’t prevent her from conceiving. Now after “several miscarriages,” Mrs. Jackman runs a charity to lobby for adoption rights. The couple has adopted two…the first, a boy in May 2000, checks out the cheeky cheerleaders with Dad at a Knicks game last month. Their son’s name? Why, OSCAR of course…

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It’s exciting to note that the “Page Views”—literally, those of BETTIE PAGE—have already passed the 1,000 mark in our very first week! So I’ve added a second chapter to her continuing gaga in our initial CELEB SPOTLIGHT (click the tab above)…and hope to further entice you with this rare Page X-plicit candid from my vintage VAULT.

And don’t forget to click on the SleuthSayer tab at top left to view our 3-part “Inaugural Super-Sized Special” and all my latest Blog Posts. Which reminds me of Night Court’s conservative counsel MARKIE Post…

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In honor of this historic inauguration of the 44th president of the United States, it seems apt to mark the final 16 hours, 58 minutes and 37 seconds (not that we’re counting…) of George W. Bush’s administration—he’s doing a countdown as only he can—by profiling the TWO WOMEN most responsible for Barack Obama’s election. And no, we don’t mean wife Michelle, though she’s clearly been behind him, nor hometown host Oprah Winfrey. Even more credit must go to late rival SARAH PALIN and early supporter (profiled in Parts Two & Three) Obama Girl!

Called “America’s Hottest Governor” long before John McCain picked the “half-baked Alaskan” to be his running mate—see him eyeing his choice choice on “Day One”—Palin was recently called: “America’s most desirable woman over 40!” And she musta been a beautiful baby, cuz baby look at her then—as Miss Wasilla of 1984. Though she blew it in the Miss Alaska pageant, finishing as 2nd runnerup, she did snag the Miss Congeniality title as “best loved” by the other girls! And a fellow contestant revealed:”The last thing you wanted in a cold Alaskan auditorium was for your modesty to be compromised. So Sarah, like all the girls, covered her nipples with a couple of Band-Aids.” Alas(ka), she couldn’t do likewise for her bottom half: we found the then-Sarah Louise Heath both fore (with pubic hair peeking through) and aft! Those “high & tight” buns that drew crowds a quarter century later clearly left a lasting impression on pageant attendees! Butt it was the Alaskan’s ample chest that developed early (a rare college dorm bust boast) and later showed up on the front while visiting the troops in Kuwait.

No wonder the Village Voice wrote 3 weeks before the election: “As the carnal inspiration for schoolgirl action figures (Sleuth unearthed each item), naughty Halloween costumes, and an upcoming Hustler porn film, Sarah Palin is the first overt sex symbol ever to run for The White House.” Clearly she didn’t “make it”…but did repeatedly in the XXX flick Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? released just before the erection. Portrayed by lookalike Lisa Ann—a former certified dental assistant from Easton, Pa. who really sank her teeth into the role—the evolution skeptic discovered a “Big Bang Theory” even she couldn’t deny! So much for Creationism, though Sarah could still procreate without creating if she had her signature condoms handy. The first film was such a suck-cess, it spawned a sequel to answer the Who’s Nailin’ her question…and like the election, the big winner was no surprise!

The president erect comeforted the damsel in dis dress, before paying lip service to her 38DDemands. And this wasn’t the only parody that sought to ride on the governor’s moose tails: a “bikini and gun” shot was widely circulated before Sleuth found the un-altered original. And while Sarah stripped would be a sight for sore thighs, you’ll just to visit Chicago’s Old Town Ale House to see what’s hanging on the wall: a portrait of Palin’s northern exposure and southern moss should leave you content. Along with the fact that she’s not a heartbeat away from the O-val office! Buh-bye……(continued in part 2)

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“I’ve danced all my life and been in a few parades!” an unknown New Jersey model gushed in June 2007 when selected as Miss Howard (Stern) TV. Alas, she didn’t get invited to this week’s Inaugural Parade!

“AMBER LEE ETTINGER probably did more to spread Barack Obama’s name around the world than anyone else,” England’s Daily Star noted just after his November election, “by performing a love song called ‘I Got a Crush on Obama’ on the Internet. Over the past 17 months, an estimated TWENTY MILLION people have watched her sexy routine in a tight T-shirt and cutoff jeans. Some put the total viewing figure at 50 MILLION! (Obama won with around 67 million votes). “I didn’t think it would get this HUGE” Amber admitted.

How could we not…with lyrics like: “So I put down my Kerry sign/Knew I had to make you mine,” followed by, “I cannot wait ’til 2008/Baby you’re the best candidate/Of the new oval office/You’ll get your head of state.” And Obama Girl, as she become universally known, made clear what oval orifice she was offering up (in anonymous ad modeling in Allure unearthed by Sleuth). Plus precisely where “B-Rock” (as she calls him) should put it! “I really am shocked that this video blew up the way it did,” Amber allowed. “But I don’t want to sound like I have a big head now” (stroking the big head of her Bravo A-List Award for 2008).

[By the way, you'll get no stale "Lewinsky jokes" here: Sleuth has met Bill Clinton at least a half dozen times and he's never been anything but a great and gracious guy.]

Yet despite the song’s overt offer that, “You can Barack me tonight” (now cut it out, Girl!), her candidate crush was not amused: “Sasha asked Mommy about it,” Obama opined of the video. “She said, ‘Daddy already has a wife’ or something like that {who looked something like this—in a controversial bust in a NYC gallery). I guess it’s too much to ask,” the candidate concluded, “but you do wish people would think about what impact their actions have on kids and families.” What Amber wished was for some face time with her Crush: “I just feel it,” Obama Girl gushed. “It’s bound to happen one day. We haven’t spoken and we haven’t met yet. But we will.” In her dreams…(continued in part 3)

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Sleuth’s Truths: The initial idea for the video was “I Got a Crush on Jack Bauer”—a tribute to Kiefer Sutherland’s hero on 24 {make that 22}. But “digital strategist” Ben Relles switched to politics after the surprising success of his female take on Saturday Night Live’s smash “Dick in a Box” video (starring Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake), entitled “Box in a Box”! Written and sung by Relles’ cousin’s girlfriend, Leah Kauffman, the video was lip-synched by U. of Penn sweet-faced sophomore Melissa Lamb, with the lusty lyrics: “”Bush is ruining our country/But my bush has never lied/Taco Bell might make you sick/But my taco’s certified” (run for to board her)! Having entered with a bang, Relles applied the formula to the coming election, using the cute but curveless Kauffman again as singer and songwriter but needing a more ethnic beauty to get her baracks off.

He found her on The Stern Show, where Italian-German “Amber Lee” (not using her long last name) wowed the crowd in studio to promote her June 2007 selection as the inaugural “Miss Howard TV”: Refusing to don a bikini, the former Miss Hawaiian Tropic New Jersey 2003 instead put on lingerie she’d brought along, causing corpulent comedian Artie Lange to call her “the hottest chick who was ever in here!” After getting to smell her, Amber laughs: “Artie started offering me money to sleep with him!”—eventually reaching $200,000 and “she wouldn’t even have to kiss him, just let him fuck her.” Says the former Hooters waitress: “He was hilarious!” {Find “the funny” at www.HowardStern.com…5/21/07 show}.

What she didn’t find funny was Howard hinting that her 34DD breasts weren’t real—Baba Booey Dell’Abate even checked her bra label! When others felt Obama Girl had undergone a “Change!,” Amber spoke out: “They were saying my boobs are fake. But I’ve never had plastic surgery. If I had fake boobs, I’d say, ‘I have fake boobs.’ But definitely not, I like mine just the way they are”—though hers seemed smaller when she was an “unDiscovered” model in 2002 who listed her bust as “33.” Not to mention the usually telling “Silicone Valley!” D that as it may, at least Amber hadn’t gone to the lengths alleged by Harlem pastor Dr. James Manning, who shouted in a sermon: “She must be a 54D! Double D!! Obama, that’s the first place I saw his name—on two great big ol’ tits!” But when Our Girl con-fronted the Rev. on camera, he backed off.

Another debate Stern would happily host is over Miss Howard TV’s sexual orientation: Asked if she’s “ever had a lesbian experience?,” Amber replied, “Yes, who hasn’t? LOL” {Lady On Lady?}. To the queery, “If you could have sex with someone on the Stern Show, who would it be?,” she purred: “One word…Robin. Love her!” {Quivers gave her shivers flashing on June 6, 2001–a real D Day!}. And while most MySpace profiles list “Orientation,” Ettinger’s only reads: “Single.” No wonder she evasively explains that Howard “asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said no.”

Breasts and broads aside, there’s one issue on which O Girl leaves no doubt: “I don’t do any nude pictures. And I don’t feel like I do any kind of lacy, racy pictures.” We’ll let the voters decide: Sleuth’s cOllection includes pert pOkies, camel tOe, see thrOugh and full-on areOlae!

We have a winner! While Amber says she “cried” when the election results came in, and flew in for the inauguration, she still hasn’t Capitolized on “it” with  her Man: “He’s pretty busy,” she smiles. “I don’t think I’m gonna meet him this week, but maybe someday. I’ve met his campaign manager (David Plouffe) and it’s opened a lot of doors. I never would have expected to be invited to the White House Correspondents dinner”—or to almost be felt up there by an interviewee!

So, can we finally END this super-sized entry on a high note? “Yes We Can!”

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“Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste,” Mick Jagger began the Rolling Stones’ classic Sympathy for the Devil. “I’ve been around for a long, long year… Hope you guess my name.”

Not likely, since I began CELEBRITY SLEUTH magazine 25 years ago– when many of you now of legal drinking age weren’t even born!– as a “mild-mannered Government speechwriter by night, and Famous Shamus by night.” As a modern-day Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide, I “sleuthed out” all the facts (and figures) regarding the Rich and Shameless– pioneering a genre that spawned such Internet icons as Mr. Skin and Uncle Scoopy. And now it’s my turn to boldly trek (with a mission) into cyperspace– where “no man had gone before” me.

First, a brief background: I am a Phi Beta Kappa graduate of The Johns Hopkins University and former “Outstanding Teenager of America” (selected by Ronald Reagan), who used his “quiz kid” knowledge and photographic memory to memorize photographs of stars before they became famous… and could afford clothes. Because both my parents were as prominent as my political clients, I adopted the pseudonym “Celebrity Sleuth”– and it’s stuck: through more than two decades and 155 separate issues!

This blog will hopefully introduce a whole new generation of fans to what started as a hobby, while sharing with loyal lifetime readers rare “finds” from my unparalleled collection… from which I’ve still only revealed the nip of the iceberg.” But enough about Morgan Fairchild … our very first cover girl.

Amazing how similar the shot of our recent “frontasspiece,” Jessica Biel looks today! Each week on this newly launched web site, I’ll endeavor to bring you rare and never-seen-anywhere-else images of the hottest women in the news… and in the nude.

Future posts will focus more on the figures than the facts, but I’ll leave you with a treat from a bosomy bud who died two Januarys ago. Unlike any one else who has come after, I’ve managed to befriend many of the stars I uncovered (they didn’t usually mind), who thus gave me many private and personal photos of themselves that no one else has. And that’s what you can always expect from Sleuth: the rarest and the barest of the best.

Liz Renay, a Marilyn Monroe lookalike who became a cult legend in John Waters’ 1977 film Desperate Living, sadly died in Las Vegas at age 80 {her New York Times obituary is here}. But before she passed away she passed along this pair of rarities that defined her career: doing “my S&M whip act” Liz wrote on the back of the vintage burlesque promo pic from her heyday (she was in her forties at the time); a decade later, the foxy 50-year-old joined the streaking craze, while crashing San Francisco Mayor Joseph Alioto’s campaign rally. Talk about “getting (’em) out (for) the vote!”

Let’s leave off where I began: “Pleased to meet you,” the head Stone sang…and we’ve hardly gathered moss either: uncovering Jagger, his wives/mistresses and daughters TWENTY SIX times in our 25 years of publishing!

So save your Sympathy… for us, it’s been pure Satisfaction.

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