In honor of this historic inauguration of the 44th president of the United States, it seems apt to mark the final 16 hours, 58 minutes and 37 seconds (not that we’re counting…) of George W. Bush’s administration—he’s doing a countdown as only he can—by profiling the TWO WOMEN most responsible for Barack Obama’s election. And no, we don’t mean wife Michelle, though she’s clearly been behind him, nor hometown host Oprah Winfrey. Even more credit must go to late rival SARAH PALIN and early supporter (profiled in Parts Two & Three) Obama Girl!
Called “America’s Hottest Governor” long before John McCain picked the “half-baked Alaskan” to be his running mate—see him eyeing his choice choice on “Day One”—Palin was recently called: “America’s most desirable woman over 40!” And she musta been a beautiful baby, cuz baby look at her then—as Miss Wasilla of 1984. Though she blew it in the Miss Alaska pageant, finishing as 2nd runnerup, she did snag the Miss Congeniality title as “best loved” by the other girls! And a fellow contestant revealed:”The last thing you wanted in a cold Alaskan auditorium was for your modesty to be compromised. So Sarah, like all the girls, covered her nipples with a couple of Band-Aids.” Alas(ka), she couldn’t do likewise for her bottom half: we found the then-Sarah Louise Heath both fore (with pubic hair peeking through) and aft! Those “high & tight” buns that drew crowds a quarter century later clearly left a lasting impression on pageant attendees! Butt it was the Alaskan’s ample chest that developed early (a rare college dorm bust boast) and later showed up on the front while visiting the troops in Kuwait.
No wonder the Village Voice wrote 3 weeks before the election: “As the carnal inspiration for schoolgirl action figures (Sleuth unearthed each item), naughty Halloween costumes, and an upcoming Hustler porn film, Sarah Palin is the first overt sex symbol ever to run for The White House.” Clearly she didn’t “make it”…but did repeatedly in the XXX flick Who’s Nailin’ Paylin? released just before the erection. Portrayed by lookalike Lisa Ann—a former certified dental assistant from Easton, Pa. who really sank her teeth into the role—the evolution skeptic discovered a “Big Bang Theory” even she couldn’t deny! So much for Creationism, though Sarah could still procreate without creating if she had her signature condoms handy. The first film was such a suck-cess, it spawned a sequel to answer the Who’s Nailin’ her question…and like the election, the big winner was no surprise!
The president erect comeforted the damsel in dis dress, before paying lip service to her 38DDemands. And this wasn’t the only parody that sought to ride on the governor’s moose tails: a “bikini and gun” shot was widely circulated before Sleuth found the un-altered original. And while Sarah stripped would be a sight for sore thighs, you’ll just to visit Chicago’s Old Town Ale House to see what’s hanging on the wall: a portrait of Palin’s northern exposure and southern moss should leave you content. Along with the fact that she’s not a heartbeat away from the O-val office! Buh-bye……(continued in part 2)